FAWNING

Fawning

Lissa Rankin, MD (www.lissarankin.org) is one of my heroes in the Wellness space. She is a board certified Ob/Gyn physician who realized that traditional western medicine was not effectively treating her patient’s wellness needs, focusing as it does, on extensive testing and prescribing, depersonalzation and profit. I tend to agree, so consequently I read Dr. Rankin’s blogs as often as I can.

Recently she discussed the pathologic relationship behavior known as “fawning”. It resonated with me, and I thought it might with you as well. Google Lissa’s blog for a more complete treatment of the subject which I am going to attempt to summarize here:

This is a particularly important concept for those of us in relationships with domineering, narcissistic or God forbid, abusive relationships (physically, emotionally, or sexually.) As someone who has been in many relationships with pathologically narcissistic partners, and now am finally in a mutually nurturing, emotionally safe one, I feel I can bring my experiences to bare when

attempting to describe fawning.

Fawning is a defense mechanisms used by those who fear rejection, abandonment or irrelevance in a relationship. Those who fawn attempt to be overly supportive, complimentary, obsequious or beholden to the person who makes them feel unsafe. This is done to avoid conflict and prevent rejection or withdrawal of love (which is probably not love anyway!). Preserving peace becomes more important than their own personal, particular needs in a relationship. Eventually the needs and individuality of the person who is fawning are lost as the dynamics of the unhealthy relationship represent only the needs of the dominant partner. The fearful partner, subject to the domination of the other, does not feel free to assert their own needs or honestly express their true emotions.  Being afraid to be yourself, it turns out, can be incredibly damaging, not only to one’s relationship and psychic well being, but also to one’s physical health.

The chronic stress caused by living not as one’s true self, but only as a reflection of their dominant partner’s needs, can have devastating physical effects, including cardiovascular disease and even cancer. After years of therapy, meditation and study, I have come to realize that my experiences leading to open heart surgery and then colon cancer (both successfully treated, by the way) were almost certainly a direct result of my need to fawn over my narcissistic partners. Now, finally in an open, honest, loving, nurturing relationship characterized by affection, laughter, security and emotional safety, I am the healthiest I have been in years, even at my advanced age!!

So, my advice to my readers, if you feel “stuck” or have unexplained illnesses, are chronically stressed, depressed or just simply not happy, look to your relationships. Remember, as I addressed in earlier columns, I refer to relationships as one of the essential nutrients in life, just as important as the actual food we eat.

As a health and lifestyle coach, I can help you figure out how to lead a life more consistent with your true nature. Feel free to give me a call, text or email. MONACO Wellness is here for you!.

In health,

Dr. John Monaco

MONACO Wellness

www.monacowellness.org

(813) 541-6440