REGRETS?

REGRET

“Regrets, I‘ve had a few, but then again, too few to mention!” So sings Frank Sinatra in “My Way”, which happens to be a very popular Karaoke selection in Japanese Night Clubs!

But seriously, we’ve all made mistakes, and most of us have spent far too many sleepless hours ruminating about things we wish we hadn’t done, or opportunities lost due to unfortunate decisions. Mistakes of commission or omission are major sources of regret for human beings.

Evolutionarily, regret allows us to learn from our mistakes. Unfortunately, some of us ruminate over our mistakes, often obsessively, leading to depression, anxiety, fractured relationships and poor health.

How can we rationally deal with regret, to prevent it becoming an obsession or unhealthy preoccupation overwhelming our lives?

The solutions involves cognitively reframing the narrative of the thing we regret - not denying reality, simply looking at it differently.

Let’s say you regret something you said to close friend or relative, years ago, which you know hurt them badly. In the last few years you can’t stop thinking about it, considering ways you could have handled the situation better, even magically recreating the manner in which your friend reacted to your indiscretion. How can we tamp down the obsession with these thoughts?

First, practice self-compassion. Remind yourself that you did the best you could given the information you had at the time. Use the regret as a teaching moment for yourself, and make amends to any individuals who may have been hurt by your mistake. Share the thing you regret with another - your spouse, family member or close friend. The is a perfect situation for a therapist, counselor or coach. Roman Catholics practice the Sacrement of Confession - one of the least expensive yet effective forms of therapy ever created!

Most of all, forgive yourself! The next time you lay awake, regretting something you said or did years ago, give yourself a break. You’ve learned from your mistakes, you’ve apologized to those you hurt and you realize you couldn’t have done differently given the circumstances. Take stock of the moments when you have acted with compassion, generosity, kindness and love. Let these actions and relationships define you, because they do!

In health,

Dr. John Monaco

MONACO Wellness

www.monacowellness.org

(813)541-6440